The Email I Couldn't Send

Not long ago while responding to a routine email at work, I felt a sudden unease. I found myself unable to hit send before first consulting my AI assistant to confirm that it was the right way to reply. I went back and forth with it, trying to construct the perfect response.

Then it hit me. What in the world was I doing? I sat in mild horror — my unbridled use of AI had weakened my confidence to the point where I was compulsively consulting it from fear of screwing up. I had created a habit of giving my agency to an algorithm.

Not only was I giving my agency away, but I was also taking on stress and anxiety. When I do something, I want to do it well. I have a perfectionist streak in me. Prior to using AI, I would write something, edit it until I was satisfied, and then be done with it. But, as I wrote that email, I could feel the anxiety welling up inside — the tightness in my chest, the restlessness. Nothing I wrote was ever truly finished. Everything felt like settling.

In a world where people are becoming like the artificial intelligences they’re using, I want to be uncommonly human. So, I started journaling about how I used AI each day. What I’m learning has surprised me.